3/31/2010

Stupid Stories

There she was, just walking down the street singing ooh ahh ooh. When suddenly she tripped on a

big iron spoon; and it hurt her little toe. Just then, over there, she saw a big yellow dead bird, rotting. There was rejoicing for once and lots of candy! Snuffelufaguss was guilty of 1st degree black belt ownage on yellow bird from Cobra KAI Dojo. Oh yeah!

What you say?

SHO NUFF SHOGUN

The next day, Bert was killed by a big cauldron of peas which fell from the orange clouds. There once was a lad named Slappy Shoe Shine. No one liked his white skin because it irradiated from the polish mine detector. Then the English teacher named, Mrs. Herminie made me write a short story using a duck and a turtle. Duck Fails Turtle Using the Polygathirum.

The battle began. It was on. I CHOOSE YOU to be the wielder of the Fork of truth!

*great glowing appeared*

This incredible youth had the power to bend spoons with its mind. He could also call forth squirells

of power! But, he was limited by the size of his satchel bag of holding of the Whale, which holds the Sword of greyskull as well as this great novel of a man lost in his Smurfett Body Bag.

In this world beyond our own, we are but tiny little smurfs swiming in a pool of vomit. Do not be

fooled by the happy fun ball we call life, the universe, and the meaning of Obi wan kinobee's

great teachings. Tomorrow, we dine in the great presence OF RUBY TUESDAYS!!!! Farbeit from us

to call forth the red dragon! Hannibal lector is dead. Now back at the ranch the bunnies did

a bad thing. They dug into farmer browns carrots, which was odd, because the carrots

were made of Nitroglycern, and sulfur . Which surgeon general deemed slightly dangerous

if consumed by oversized german midgets on only saturdays. But other days it was acceptable.

However Mogwai's can never be allowed to eat after nitroglysern infused carrots, or suffer intense

shipping and handling to the far corners of the Richard Geres house.

The fork of many dark paths was summoned by this young lad. There once was

a giant ogre, with a spoon. He was the senior squirell summoner who taught the young lad how the great macarenna was a terrible way to jiggy. The Dark damp hallway led to a chamber of SUPER MOJO MADNESS!

Fortunately, John walked. Yeah, forget me. So we did.

I called forth the Big one with 2 friends and a hamster named Billy Rode where they proceeded into the great land of Erwin. Erwin was a painter, who loved richard gere and fluffy white rabbits and mad hatters. But contrary to the associated press, squirells are very good at poker but terrible at swimming. Nevertheless, they enjoy it anyway. They don't drink ketchup or honey. Anymore, they were found to be trying to get a social disease like Brintey Spearsd to miss being a Mouseketeer, despite the fact that Mice and squirrels fly space ships.

Now the ogre, who is dead but now resurrected and walking around, got lunch at Quedoba, and paid

with his life. He has several lives so it was only heartburn, but death followed him on twitter, slowly and painfully in a combine. But that wouldn't account for his facebook page. However,with no head, he was able to wrestle and to fit in to a woodchipper. But it wasn't this ogre's fate. The ogre decided to drink acid, as in, acidic orange juice. This mixed with nitroglycerin beer drinking fool shouted someone else had to use a new sentence. A new beginning is what this ending could be.

Meanwhile, the young ninja space demon killed the ogre, but the ogre had a specific 4th edition rule

medical condition that prevented him from being killed by a will saving throw of d20s; rolled a 1 that was really a natural 20.

Meanwhile back at the Dungeon Masters Twist and Shout, the bartender was telling everyone to

kill the ogre like Elmer Fudd. Fortunately, the patrons saved the ogre, but couldnt stop singing the song DEATH TO OGRE!

The end

win

You didnt get mad...

You didn't get mad when the Supreme Court stopped a legal recount and appointed a President.

You didn't get mad when Cheney allowed Energy company officials to dictate
energy policy.

You didn't get mad when a covert CIA operative got outed.

You didn't get mad when the Patriot Act got passed.

You didn't get mad when we illegally invaded a country that posed no threat to us.

You didn't get mad when we spent over 600 billion(and counting) on said illegal war.

You didn't get mad when over 10 billion dollars just disappeared in Iraq.

You didn't get mad when you found out we were torturing people.

You didn't get mad when the government was illegally wiretapping Americans.

You didn't get mad when we didn't catch Bin Laden.

You didn't get mad when you saw the horrible conditions at Walter Reed.

You didn't get mad when we let a major US city, New Orleans, drown.

You didn't get mad when we gave a 900 billion tax break to the rich.

You didn't get mad when the deficit hit the trillion dollar mark.

You finally got mad when the government decided that people in America deserved the right to see a doctor if they are sick. Yes, illegal wars, lies, corruption, torture, stealing your tax dollars to make the rich richer, are all okay with you, but helping other Americans...oh hell no.