Stupid Stories

There she was, just walking down the street singing ooh ahh ooh. When suddenly she tripped on a

big iron spoon; and it hurt her little toe. Just then, over there, she saw a big yellow dead bird, rotting. There was rejoicing for once and lots of candy! Snuffelufaguss was guilty of 1st degree black belt ownage on yellow bird from Cobra KAI Dojo. Oh yeah!

What you say?


The next day, Bert was killed by a big cauldron of peas which fell from the orange clouds. There once was a lad named Slappy Shoe Shine. No one liked his white skin because it irradiated from the polish mine detector. Then the English teacher named, Mrs. Herminie made me write a short story using a duck and a turtle. Duck Fails Turtle Using the Polygathirum.

The battle began. It was on. I CHOOSE YOU to be the wielder of the Fork of truth!

*great glowing appeared*

This incredible youth had the power to bend spoons with its mind. He could also call forth squirells

of power! But, he was limited by the size of his satchel bag of holding of the Whale, which holds the Sword of greyskull as well as this great novel of a man lost in his Smurfett Body Bag.

In this world beyond our own, we are but tiny little smurfs swiming in a pool of vomit. Do not be

fooled by the happy fun ball we call life, the universe, and the meaning of Obi wan kinobee's

great teachings. Tomorrow, we dine in the great presence OF RUBY TUESDAYS!!!! Farbeit from us

to call forth the red dragon! Hannibal lector is dead. Now back at the ranch the bunnies did

a bad thing. They dug into farmer browns carrots, which was odd, because the carrots

were made of Nitroglycern, and sulfur . Which surgeon general deemed slightly dangerous

if consumed by oversized german midgets on only saturdays. But other days it was acceptable.

However Mogwai's can never be allowed to eat after nitroglysern infused carrots, or suffer intense

shipping and handling to the far corners of the Richard Geres house.

The fork of many dark paths was summoned by this young lad. There once was

a giant ogre, with a spoon. He was the senior squirell summoner who taught the young lad how the great macarenna was a terrible way to jiggy. The Dark damp hallway led to a chamber of SUPER MOJO MADNESS!

Fortunately, John walked. Yeah, forget me. So we did.

I called forth the Big one with 2 friends and a hamster named Billy Rode where they proceeded into the great land of Erwin. Erwin was a painter, who loved richard gere and fluffy white rabbits and mad hatters. But contrary to the associated press, squirells are very good at poker but terrible at swimming. Nevertheless, they enjoy it anyway. They don't drink ketchup or honey. Anymore, they were found to be trying to get a social disease like Brintey Spearsd to miss being a Mouseketeer, despite the fact that Mice and squirrels fly space ships.

Now the ogre, who is dead but now resurrected and walking around, got lunch at Quedoba, and paid

with his life. He has several lives so it was only heartburn, but death followed him on twitter, slowly and painfully in a combine. But that wouldn't account for his facebook page. However,with no head, he was able to wrestle and to fit in to a woodchipper. But it wasn't this ogre's fate. The ogre decided to drink acid, as in, acidic orange juice. This mixed with nitroglycerin beer drinking fool shouted someone else had to use a new sentence. A new beginning is what this ending could be.

Meanwhile, the young ninja space demon killed the ogre, but the ogre had a specific 4th edition rule

medical condition that prevented him from being killed by a will saving throw of d20s; rolled a 1 that was really a natural 20.

Meanwhile back at the Dungeon Masters Twist and Shout, the bartender was telling everyone to

kill the ogre like Elmer Fudd. Fortunately, the patrons saved the ogre, but couldnt stop singing the song DEATH TO OGRE!

The end


You didnt get mad...

You didn't get mad when the Supreme Court stopped a legal recount and appointed a President.

You didn't get mad when Cheney allowed Energy company officials to dictate
energy policy.

You didn't get mad when a covert CIA operative got outed.

You didn't get mad when the Patriot Act got passed.

You didn't get mad when we illegally invaded a country that posed no threat to us.

You didn't get mad when we spent over 600 billion(and counting) on said illegal war.

You didn't get mad when over 10 billion dollars just disappeared in Iraq.

You didn't get mad when you found out we were torturing people.

You didn't get mad when the government was illegally wiretapping Americans.

You didn't get mad when we didn't catch Bin Laden.

You didn't get mad when you saw the horrible conditions at Walter Reed.

You didn't get mad when we let a major US city, New Orleans, drown.

You didn't get mad when we gave a 900 billion tax break to the rich.

You didn't get mad when the deficit hit the trillion dollar mark.

You finally got mad when the government decided that people in America deserved the right to see a doctor if they are sick. Yes, illegal wars, lies, corruption, torture, stealing your tax dollars to make the rich richer, are all okay with you, but helping other Americans...oh hell no.


There might just be hope yet

“Don’t let the fucking media paint us like The Generation That Was Too Busy Playing Rock Band—or, even worse—The Generation That Spent That Very Important Two Months Before The Election When It Really Mattered Trying To Bang That Girl You Followed On Tumblr Who Looks Kind Of Like Parker Posey Who’ll You’ll Never Meet Anyway."

- Dr Ned, MD

(via syntheticpubes via meganallison)



That is a question that I ask myself all the damn time. I like her. Hell probably the closest thing to love that I felt in a long time. She knows it. She has to. I don't know if shes testing me. wanting to see what I'll put up w/ before I can earn her love. I know it shouldn't be that way. That doesn't change anything. Yes it would be easier if she wasn't crashing here. I've enjoyed the time she has spent here. one of the little things I ask is if your trying to sleep w/ my best friend and this isn't some mind fuck then don't act all flirty in front of me. yes you are making me feel like I am intruding while your moving on but its the only tool I have right now. If your trying to wear me down so I give up your doing a damn good job but you wont like the outcome. Hell I'm starting to understand how you feel about B. Maybe you crashing here wasn't the best idea. You knew it and I knew it. it would overly complicate things, but thats not the only thing. its the little things. the I can sleep next to you w/o worrying, telling me that you felt you didn't give me a true shot, telling me that you were thinking of sleeping w/ me. then things get paranoid. you lie to me about were you stayed because you know I would be mad but then you went and told me the next day. then you start telling me that you never said that you would give me a second chance. that you never said that you wanted to fuck me. what can I say girl you learned from the best B stole your heart but you stole his play book. Do I deserve you no. I deserve better. do you deserve me, no but I'm still here.



I don't know if you slept w/ him to piss me off. doubt it but hey I'll still wonder. I can be quoted that if you ever slept w/ him I'd define pulling the pin for you. maybe thats why it happened. too bad I cant pull the pin now. damn mothers. You think its a lack of sex on my part. stated that if I got laid then I wouldn't chase after you or at least not as hard. but your wrong. you asked me today if we slept together would I classify it as fucking sex or making love, you were sure that it would be making love well if thats the case then me getting laid by someone else, wouldn't make me stop chasing you would just make be sad and hurtful that it wasn't you. I stated that it would just be sex. the emotional involvement on both our parts isn't great enough to make love. I wish it was but your just not there. OK you don't sleep w/ friends. I get it but shouldn't the people that you date/marry/love be some of your best friends. granted we all have friends other then our lovers, but still shouldn't you be able to tell that special someone anything. you've said that about me. I've told you my biggest secret. I should have told you sooner but at the time that I told you I felt the closest to you. hell you should even be happy that I thought of telling you. that itself is a big step. did i want you to sleep w/ him no. did you know this, yes, you said that the only person I can blame for this is myself. but I don't. you said it take two to have sex, true but only one to say no. I am starting to see why you an K never get along for too long, you never give the same level of respect that you ask for from everyone else. The only good thing about our convo today and I think you have already dismissed this w/o much though is that you admitted that your treating me like B did to you. And all you had to say was "I'm Sorry." Hell you didn't even look all that surprised.

I want you to know it's a little fucked up,
That I'm stuck here waitin', no longer debatin',
Tired of sittin' and hatin' and makin' these excuses,
For why you're not around, and feeling so useless,
It seems one thing has been true all along,
You don't really know what you've got 'til it's gone,
I guess I've had it with you and your career,
When you come back I won't be here and you can sing it...

Where'd you go?
I miss you so,
Seems like it's been forever,
That you've been gone.
Where'd you go?
I miss you so,
Seems like it's been forever,
That you've been gone,
Please come back home...
Please come back home...
Please come back home...
Please come back home...
Please come back home...

New Update.....

damn this is getting long... Anyhow, I was originally going to end there, drop that after pulling the pin, well. you stuck around long enough that I emotionally pulled the pin, walked and felt better about it, I laughed when I heard that you thought I got laid. HA! you should know better, we are now at the point where you are tired of the mind games, hell the only reason you know they're going on is because you taught me, anyhow you have no idea what we have planned for you. its going to hurt and the only person you'll have to turn to is the guy who doesn't know the real you. the you who's getting pissed at me for turning the tables on you. you still try to play and I let you because it help keeps you blinded. well soon the blindfolds coming off.

everything before this update was before I pulled the pin. now I just have to set off the claymore. this post will be my final farewell to you kid, you have impacted my life, good and bad, thanks for all the fish. its funny, you told me that me diddling you cooter was all for me. hell maybe it was, I enjoyed it, you used to to start fights and to take jabs a me. it was a fair trade. imagine how you could have pissed me off if you had fucked me, oh wait, you already jab me w/ that with "the old Ashley would have already," no she wouldn't because then comparisons would be made between you and K and that cant happen. you use the fact that you an T were seeing each other yet aren't exclusive, as a reason not to fuck me. well that didn't stop you from fucking him. yeah I know different circumstances same basic principal. I'm trying to figure out why you haven't fucked G yet, oh yeah the ring, eh you might as well if his wife doesn't trust you two alone in a private place then shes already worrying. hell you always have his car.

that was a little harsh. eh oh well. G posted a blog that I think was directed towards me and T or at least T about integrity, loyalty, trustworthy, and honor. granted he left out trustworthy but that was a minor over site I'm sure. he was directing it towards the guys. the funny thing is that it should go towards you as well. see he doesn't know you he hasn't been around, yeah you filled him in, you sit there and tell him I'm gaming you all the while gaming him. this isn't fair to the poor guy. it wil all end badly we all know it, well except for G but he'll figure it out either when he gets served or when she forces you out of his life. the kicker is that what made me this way was acting the way he described. this cynical bastard was born from the mold you made. but no one wants to admit they mad Frankenstein's monster.

everyone around me has told me I should have kicked you out long ago or tried the "you need to pay rent or 'pay rent'" I got a good chuckle out of all these suggestions. I now I'm not this person and you know it too, otherwise you'd have been long ago. well kid in the future I'll be this person. Thank you for destroying what little trust I had in ppl.

More to come.

well i finally had some one read this, it felt good, finally have this aired out a little bit, the convo went kinda like this. "Well, your blogspot was so heart-wrenching it made me want to cry with compassion instead of make fun of you. That doesnt happen often." "Thank you I'm glad someone cares." "I do. Even if I'm mean about it. I'm sorry she mistreats you so much. She should realize how lucky she is to have someone care so much." it was nice to have some validation on all of this,. now if only I had sentence structure. oh well.